3 for the price of one!

As-salamu ‘alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu,

I’d like to wish all of you a wonderful Ramadan, taqabalAllahu mina wa minkum! May this be a month filled with worship and devotion to Allah for you. I want to share three stories with you guys.

On Thursday, Alhamdulilah, I got to be involved for an event raising funds for Syria, Burma, and Somalia. This was probably the most stressful event I’ve ever helped. Lol I’m currently in recovery mode, I couldn’t even walk properly today. Being the head of all of the volunteers I was running back and fourth all day making sure that everything was going as planned. SubhanAllah I was so tired that I thought my body would cave in, that and having only ate one buur for the whole night because I was so busy making sure everyone else was okay. Finally I reached a point where I realized if I didn’t stop for a second and just relax I would probably faint so I went into the kitchen to escape the insanity. While I was in the kitchen I seen two females there that were standing there just looking around, everyone was passing by them not even realizing there presence in the room, so I went up to them and started up a conversation with them. I asked them what they were doing there and they informed me that they had to wash the dishes once our event ended so I asked the lady if I should tell everyone to use less plates and she started to laugh but I was being so serious I felt so bad for them but then they told us they had the dish washers. They asked me why we were having the event and I told her what was going on in 3 of these countries and they told me it was a beautiful cause and event and its amazing that people care. I realized that these two ladies were women of intellect and that this would be the perfect time to give dacwah so I drew them away from people and we stood alone. I talked to them for about 30 minutes or so. They asked why we wore the Hijabs and I explained it to them. I also gave them personal stories like how in high school guys would come to me and compliment my body and I would become upset, so I knew I had to make a change. She asked me if it gets hot in the summer and I told her, ”you know sister the material is thin, but the colour of it (black) attracts the sun making it hot, but we don’t mind because we believe that there is a reward for us with Allah (God) for protecting our modesty and honour so we enjoy the struggle as much as anyone would enjoy comfort because of the increase in reward.” They told me that they see some muslim women with the shorter small hijabs, so to demonstrate I took my jilbaab off partly so they could see the shape of my body, and the other side had it on, I asked them, ”is it the same?” they were shocked and said, ”No, one your covered and the second we can see your body” and I said thats the point in the hijab, you shouldn’t know what shape my body is. They told me that they thought that the women wore it only when they got married so I told her that is the case with most women (they wear longer hijabs or put on a niqaab once they get married) but this is not out of oppression but its because the men love and cherish there women so much so that they only want the privilege of being able to see there wives. They were so delighted at this and began to laugh and smile saying your right. They asked me many questions and each time I answered using a parable because Allah does this in the Quraan and I’ve noticed it always has the biggest impact. I managed to leave them on a good note with one of them saying she wanted to find a Muslim husband. I talked to them about marriage, work, life, hijab, boyfriends, and the separation between men and women. They agreed with everything and didn’t disagree with anything laughing at all my jokes. Finally I got caught doing nothing and was told to go help serve more food, so I had to leave I made sure to hug them both goodbye and told them it was really nice talking with them. When I was walking away I overheard them saying, ”She is such a lovely, beautiful and smart young lady. She knows her stuff” I smiled too myself and kept on walking.

The second story happened to me today, my mom sent me to the basement to grab something from the car. Usually I never leave my phone at home no matter where I’m going, but today Allah wanted to teach me a lesson so I happened to leave it. I got downstairs, and dumb me forgot the key fob to get back in, so I was trapped in the basement. I had to stand there, with no phone to call anyone and no key to get in. I was standing in a small box trapped. I stood there trying to figure out how to get out. I started praising Allah and asking Him for help. I went too the door and made duaA and said, ”Ya Allah you’ve opened things bigger then this small door please open it for me.” I said bismillah and tried to open it, and it wouldn’t open. I must admit I became a little sad but I told myself, Laila don’t doubt Allah. I did the same thing about 3 times, and then I became really sad because I really wanted the door too open and just experience this moment of happiness. So I started to think, and I remembered the 3 men who were in the cave and all mentioned something they did for the sake of Allah, and Allah removed the rock, (lol I know I’m so dramatic I compared my small situation to them) so the thinking game began and I tried to remember things. Alhamdulilah I remembered one thing which I won’t mention, but I said, ”Ya Allah, if I did such and such only for your sake open the door.” the door didn’t open. I said to myself, hey Laila there were 3 men there so lets find 2 more things. I said a second thing, then Alhamdulilah before I could think of a 3rd a random man came as I was standing there knocking and opened the door for me. I didn’t even take this into account until not too long ago. At the moment I was just so relived to be out of there that I just ran upstairs. But Alhamdulilah Allah sent that man to me to open up the door for me.

The third story is about my cousin. Wallahi I love her so much. I guess people would consider her not practicing but she has a cleaner and better heart than many practicing people. One time she was at my house listening to music, I told her to turn it off and I began to talk to her, we started around 9pm and I began with talking to her about death and what happens when you die, about the trials of the grave. Although she was alert, I didn’t notice any emotional reactions from her. But I continued and continued. Once it hit 12:30am-ish we began to talk about an injury that she went through. I asked her what happened that day that caused it, what sin did she commit and she told me. I asked her if she ever made taubah for it and she said no. I then asked her if she ever asked Allah to give her back what He took from her health and she said no. I said, ”Why? Why did you rush to the doctors instead of too Allah? Why haven’t you ever asked Allah to help you and aid you.” She bursted into tears and said, ”Wallahi I didn’t think Allah was capable.” SubhanAllah then we just both sat there sobbing crying our eyes out till my mom came at 1 and thought we were crazy. A few weeks after that I spoke to her mom and she told me that when she went home she ran to her mom and asked for forgiveness and said she would become a better daughter. And she informed her siblings that she couldn’t wait until Allah restored what He took back from her. Just today she was over and was going through my library looking for a book to read. I suggested that she borrowed Ibn al-Jazwi’s Disturber of the hearts. We went through the book together and she was in a state of shock over all the punishments. One part discusses the fact that on the day of judgement some sins will be brought in front of you that you thought were nothing or that you didn’t remember but Allah will show them too you. She asked me, ”but Laila what if you committed so much sins that you can’t remember them? How do I repent from all of that?” I told her that you would ask Allah for forgiveness for ALL of your sins, so she said out loud in the most sincere way I’ve ever seen, ”Ya Allah forgive me for all my sins!!!!!” I just smiled wallahi, I would have hugged her if we weren’t such a non-emotional family lol.

Forgive me for this long post but I just wanted to share these 3 stories with you all. May Allah aid and assist all the Muslim counties struggling all around the world. May Allah reward all the sisters who didn’t even break there fast due to worrying about everyone else breaking theres. May Allah guide the non-muslim sisters to the truth. May Allah preserve my family and allow them to enter paradise. May Allah forgive us all wallahi. Keep me in your duas this Ramadan inshaAllah love you all.

ps. I got a message from wordpress notifying me that I had 26 views an hour on this blog! woot woot! Izzy we made it!! — Lowkey its all Hamdi Luulay Miski and Idman though! #WPFAMBAM

Bit by the love-bug..

A couple of days ago a sister approached me and requested I give a lecture to some of the younger girls about guys. Normally I don’t like writing or talking about guys because I think girls talk about them enough as it is. But due to the fact I didn’t want people knowing who the talk was directed too I censored myself, so inshaAllaah this is for you, with love.

 

When I was in high school a lot of the guys in my school thought I was cocky. Yeah I know I’m light skin so because of that I was already given the short end of the stick my whole life, but in reality I wasn’t cocky, I just knew my worth. I remember throughout the year there would be guys who would try to talk to me or even compliment me face to face and they would somewhat expect that I would get happy. On the last day of school some boy I probably talked to twice in high school wrote in my yearbook, ”Laila, I think you are the prettiest girl in scarlett.” Wallahi I think I threw that yearbook away, when he handed it back to me I just gave him the blankest look of life and walked away. He expected me in someway, shape, or form to become excited because of this. A couple months back I bumped into another kid I went to high school with and the first thing he said when he seen me was, ”YO LAILA ME AND A COUPLE OF THE OTHER GUYS WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR LIPS THE OTHER DAY SO WEIRD BUMPING INTO YOU” I told him he was sick and to not sit beside me on the bus (all the meanwhile plotting to start wearing niqaab haha)

 

What I’m trying to tell you is that there will be guys like this. Wallahi I have had guys CRY to me in my face begging me to be with them..meanwhile this whole time I just thought we were friends but they didn’t. I’ve had guys come to me and beg me to marry them in grade 10 (like seriously I was 5 what are you thinking) I’ve had guys cut ties with their closest friends for a chance to be with me..there was even guys who were brothers from the same mother both trying at the same time to deceive each other and talk to me. This is all so ajeeb, but you have to understand it will happen. You will get some guys that will be at your knees begging to be with you, to cherish you, and to take care of you. I’m not telling you that all these guys will be bad, not at all. But timing is everything. I’ve always wanted to get married at a young age, but this didn’t stop me from knowing me worth. When your in high school the shaydaan whispers to you because you see these guys everyday so he plots on you and whispers to you to be more drawn to this specific boy. The shaydaan will try and tell you, ”but you want to marry him right? you’ll end up getting married, so don’t worry about it, he’s lawful for you.” But that is not the case my beautiful sister, as I told you Saturday, Allah tells us, do not even come NEAR to zina, so we must stay FAR away from it which in reality means staying away from boys as much as possible. Especially if you know you would not be willing to marry him tomorrow given the chance.

 

There will be guys that come to you and play the best friend card, like ”you have a problem, I’m always here for you.” I remember in high school (and Allah is my witness I don’t say this out of cockiness) but almost ALL my guy friends had crushes on me, everything would be perfectly fine, me in a deluded world thinking were just the bestest of friends until he would open his mouth and tell me, ”I plan to marry you one day.” or, ”You don’t know how you make me feel.” I would just say, ”Oh shiiiiii—-” and that person would be cut off immediately, until finally I came to the point where I realized that girls and guys cannot be friends. You might be able to control your feelings, but you cannot control the feelings of another person. And once you being to develop feelings for another person you have lost the battle to the shaydaan because it will be very hard, if not impossible to remove yourself from that situation. My beautiful sister, I’m older than you by many years, and if theres one thing I wish to let sink into you, is that there is NO love before marriage, if you are in love before marriage then you have done something wrong, and have stripped yourself from all the barakah (blessings).

 

Wallahi I don’t care if the brother you are talking to is in grade 10, 11, 12. Men younger then that have gotten married, if the brother is serious he will find a way, if not he will find an excuse. Do not let him fool you with the, ”eventually we will get married” line as many before you have gotten fooled. Age is nothing but a number, if he really loves you or likes you as much as he says he does he will go about it in the right manner, wishing to protect your honour. Do not sell your religion for a couple of seconds of lust, losing your relationship with Allaah along the way. You are young, have fun (obviously halal), live your youth. Don’t bring boy drama into your life at such a young age you deserve to be stress free. You are so beautiful if only you knew not to sell yourself for such a cheap price, a man shouldn’t see behind the glass cage unless he’s buying.

 

I pray to Allah that this helped in the slightest manner, and that he strengthens you with this trial and you come out successful, don’t forget what I told you, it takes 30 days to make a habit, Ramadan is the perfect opportunity to change your life completely. Don’t let the shaydaan win, instead kick him to the curb. I know you girls were wondering, ”if we can’t talk to guys then how will we ever get married” from the look on your faces, I will inshaAllaah either talk to you girls about this or make a post on it InshaAllah.

 

I ask Allah to have Mercy and bless all of you young ladies, I know it might be hard now but it will get easier by the help of Allah I promise. I ask Allah to protect us from fitna and everything it brings about and to grant you all righteous spouses when the time is right. I ask Allah to protect us from being doritos girls and coupons babies (nestea if your top notch) (only the dugsi girls will get this..s/o to apt 906–at-least I think thats the apt number) and allow us to know our worth, esp while we are younger. I ask Allah to remove this test from light skin people being seen as all being cocky–its hard in these streets for a humble girl like me (haha that rhymed)– [Edman honestly I always do the ending parts for you, may Allah preserve you, you sasquatch lol seriously google it twindemmm] 

 

 

On your mark, get set, go!

As I’ve previously told you guys, my mom always kept me busy as a child growing up. The wisdom mothers have cannot be matched. By Allah my mother has never made me do something without it benefiting me, and by Allah my mother has never forbidden me from something without it being harmful. I never realized this when I was a child, but the other day it hit me.

 

I was at dugsi and after reading my Qur’aan to my teacher he does this thing where he reads and you have to read after him until you can recite the surah perfectly then you leave to memorize it. So he was reciting and I was repeating after him, but in the beginning he would only say one row (line) of the Qur’aan in a single breath, so I copied him and he began to smile. He then did a row and a half in a single breath, and I followed it doing it with the single breath, and he continued until he bursted into laughter. I was laughing too because I realized that he was testing me to see how long I could recite with a single breath and while I was reciting he was smiling saying, ”MashaAllah” to himself. We were breaking down an ayah where every other letter almost had about 6 counts so holding that for 2 lines was not easy. Once I got to 2 lines with one breath he said, ”stop stop.” in-between his laughter he asked me, ”how? how? how is this possible Laila? Your holding it longer then most Qa’ris do I’m at a loss for words.” I just shrugged because I didn’t remember at the moment how I could do this. He then said, ”Okay I’ve been reciting for a long time [he recites at masjid Toronto every Ramadan] so lets have a competition and see who can read the most lines in one breath holding every count and using the proper rulings of tajweed.” So I agreed laughing and let him go first. He did about two rows, then he told me to go and I believe I did 4 rows and he just began dying of laughter repeating SubhanaAllah this is impossible!! He kept asking me how was it that I had so much control over my lungs and how much air I allowed to escape, ect. After thinking for a bit, I remembered every single day that my mom would make me get dressed and take me to swimming lessons year after year until I completed all the courses. I remembered all the deep water dives I had to do while doing obstacles underwater that would force me to save one gulp of air for 2 minutes at a time. When my mom came to pick me up from dugsi the first thing I did was tell her that the swimming lessons paid off outside of water. Just this little thing made me remember that listening to your parents in everything has so much fruits that it brings about. There is always nothing but good in obeying your parents regardless of what it is about. At the time I hated going to the lessons and would be annoyed but in the long run it helped me, and even won me a competition lol. 

 

Moving on, I think sometime this week I’ll post a blog about how to correctly make ghusul. Sadly the other day I was teaching my students how to make ghusul and when I first asked how many of them knew how to make it not one of them knew how to or had even heard of it subhanAllah. We should all know how to make ghusul like the back of our hands. Alhamdulilaah they all are pros at doing it now. I really wish I could like make a documentary of these girls they are all so cute, when we walk in the class they put away everything straighten there desks and sit with there ears open. The sincerity in there hearts just makes me wish I was like them. After Duhur salah, one of the older girls came up to me and said, ”Laila next week can you please speak to us about music, because its everywhere around us, everyone listens to it and we don’t know what to do.” She probably thought I was crazy for just gazing into her eyes and just smiling non stop but that was so cute that she actually saw a problem and reached out for help. I’ll never know how to piece this into writing but sometimes people ask me why I love being around kids so much or why I’ll get up from a group of older girls and go sit with the younger girls and its because of the state of the hearts of these younger girls, if only they knew in reality it is I who look up to them. 

 

OH..and just before I finish, I wanna give a shout-out too 2 and a half girls whom are all so beautiful from the inside out. SHOUT OUT TO LULAAY, MISKI, AND IDMAN (yeah Idman..actually your Edman for this still. You already know you get the half for that day you got bagged that you missed out on a post…Miski talk to this girl fam) But literally my blogs biggest supporters #stricklyscarlett may Allah grant you all jannah-tul-firdows for beginning to practice the deen of Allah at such a young age and may He always keep you firm. Shout-out to my macalin who had to take the L in the competition, my biggest motivation always pushing me with the Qur’aan and my mom who never gives up on me who even speaking of her does her not a percentage of justice, may Allah grant you both nothing short of jannah tul firdows aswell. 

The Ranks..

Recently my life has been so jammed packed because of the thousands of things going on but alhamdulilaah I found sometime to sit back and blog today.

Friday I was granted the honour by Allah enabling me to go to a protest in support of one of my favourite human beings to walk the earth in my time; Omar Khadr. SubhanAllah the amount of ignorant people there and selective empathic people made me sick. So sick in fact that me and my friend ended up in a debate with a couple people for over an hour, the funny part was that we had all the answers to the questions he asked us, but they could not answer any questions we had returned. Some ignorant people were saying that he should be kept behind bars for the rest of his life because of an act he committed when he was 15 years old, in which he was tortured to admit. When I asked the women if she would have the same opinion if this was her child? She stuttered then forced out a ”of course it would still be my stance” every chance they got they tried to bring Jihad into the conversation thinking we would shy away from speaking the truth but I’m guessing they haven’t met the likes of me and my friend yet. Alhamdulilah though it proved to be beneficial all the muslims were so cute we were like a team all of us were talking with people from different directions. I actually felt the brother/sisterhood it really touched me wallahi. We had the chance to meet a really sweet sister and some uncles from Morocco and Pakistan who when we were leaving made sure to tell us that what we were doing, trying to help our brother in Islam was beautiful and to continue doing so. I guess I was really passionate in my speech because one man was under the impression that I was the sister of Omar Khadr lol and I explained to him that I was his sister in Islam. This man later informed me that he was interested in the religion so I switched modes and began to give him advice on what steps to take. Lol one funny part was during our talk with him, we were talking about how the media portrays an image of Islam in which they want people to believe but in reality it is incorrect, so I recited an ayah of the Quran to them, from surah as-Saff where Allah says, ”They desire to put out the light of Allah with their mouths but Allah will perfect His light, though the unbelievers may be averse.” in Arabic, and as I started to recite the man started to draw closer, the Quran really seemed to entice him. All in all it was a great feeling to be apart of helping our brother in Islam from being held behind bars by non-believers.

Today moreover one little girl nearly brought tears to my eyes. She made my heart fall into my stomach. Today was my first day as a Islamic studies teacher at Al-Hidaya academy alhamdulilah, me and one sister began teaching the class and wallahi this is why I want to have 30 kids if Allah wills (so serious). The PURENESS of there hearts amazes me. After the lesson I had all the students come to me and ask me to speak with them in private, so I took them aside one by one and talked to them. One little girl, may Allah allow me to one day resemble her character, who was about 6 years old, came to me with tears in her eyes, and said, ”Laila, I have a problem..” so I said, ”SubhanAllah sweety whats wrong?” and she began telling me how another little girl at the dugsi was slandering her and was taking away all her friends from her, so I asked more questions to understand the situation. Then she said something that touched me, alhamdulilah she had benefited from the lesson that I gave, and she said, ”Laila, I don’t want on the day of judgement for Allah to be mad at me or Allah not to love me because of this, I don’t want to be held accountable for this. For fighting with my sister in Islam.” I literally grabbed her and just hugged her so tightly seriously if I could have I would have taken her home and kept her with me for eternity. I then gave her advice about the situation and told her to keep me updated, and then the rest of the older girls began to swarm around me. While they were talking wallahi I was smiling the whole time because of the questions they were asking me like, ”Where can I pray in school?, What do I say when I have to go on stage and preform and I’m nervous? What do I do about gays and lesbians in my school?” these girls made my day, the sincerity in them was over whelming wallahi, although they were learning from me in reality I was learning more from them they I could have ever expected. When I was leaving they made sure to give me a hug or salam me on there way out.

May Allah hasten the release of a man I hope to live long enough to meet, the torture and persecution he has underwent, the likes of our ummah have not experienced in this generation, his status in the sight of Allah is evident through all this, I will continue to support you because I do not fear the blame of blamers. May Allah guide the man to Islam who had us standing for nearly an hour going back and fourth. May Allah forgive the muslim ummah for there lack of effort and help they give there brothers and sisters, very sad and disgusting. May Allah grant this little girl Jannah tul-firdows and allow me to be worthy of being in her company in Jannah, and may He make the religion of Islam easy for my new students who’s desire to practice the religion is unbelievable. May Allah reward my macalin for facilitating this beautiful opportunity for me, he thinks I’m doing him a favour but wallahi it is he who is doing me a favour. 

[just a side note of advice, when your speaking the truth regardless of if people agree with you or not, they will understand that you are upon truth and they are upon falsehood. When I was about to leave the protest, one man stopped me and said, ”ma’am are you a teacher? Let me tell you why I think that. The way you carry yourself, the way you speak, the way you portray yourself, your speech is so compelling, when you talk people listen, and I know that a couple years down the line you’ll be doing big things and when I bump into you, I’ll remember you and say, ”hey! thats the girl that was at dundas” boy, I’d really love to meet your mom and dad, they really raised a remarkable young girl.” so never shy away from speaking for justice and speaking the truth, be it if people are with you or if people are against you!]

What was different this time?

When I was younger my mom took me to three dugsis (Quran classes), subhanAllah she kept me on my feet. I would have to attend 3 different dugsis, learn ashir (lessons) for each, then through the week I was enrolled in tutoring, swimming lessons, and of course she would teach me tafsir and other classes on the side, may Allah reward her with every ounce of knowledge I ever acquire. When I was young though, I never understood this, I used to get annoyed when after praying salatul fajr she’d sit us down and make us memorize a page before going to bed. Or when she’d make us take notes while listening to a lecture and then explain to her what we learned from it. And lets not forget the amount of books she’d buy and tell us to read. Wallahi looking back at it now, I wish I had appreciated everything she did for me then, and still does till today.

At the dugsis, they’d teach us to write arabic, to read the quran, to memorize, tajweed, and the 40th hadiths, and of course these were all at different dugsis. Now the point to this is when I was learning all of that, my heart wasn’t there. I was learning it because I had no other choice, my mom enrolled me in it and there was no and if’s or but’s. After grade 10 though I started working and couldn’t keep up with school, work, and 3 different dugsi, so slowly I dropped out of all 3 dugsi’s, and there was a period in my life may Allah never return me to it, where the Quran was missing but I never considered that as being a big deal.

 

Once I started practicing naturally as it should be I enrolled myself back into one of the dugsis (sorry in advance to the macalins that didn’t make the cut, hate it had to be you) but I went to the macalin that I had started from Aalif, baa, taa with. I just walked back into his dugsi one day and sat in front of him and began to read. The first time he didn’t say anything to me, he just listened to me, gave me a new lesson, then I went home. The second time, he sat there and he began to stare at me, so obviously me feeling awkward I gave him a dot dot dot… face and he said, ”Laila, wallahi whenever I see you my heart gets happy, you make me so happy, but let me ask you something and tell the truth.” So I said, ”Okay ask” and he said, ”before and now what changed?” Me not understanding what he meant replied, ”Huh? What do you mean?” He said, ”What changed this time Laila, what changed with your relationship with the Quran, I noticed the way your reciting and everything changed?” I looked him straight in the eyes this time and said, ”Macalin, I want it. Its because I want it, because its coming from my heart.” He looked at me with the biggest smile on his face ever and said, ”wallahi Laila, Upti this is imaan, when your love for the Quraan is such, this is imaan, and when you find this type of imaan you never let go of it, ever.” SubhanAllah this conversation happened so long ago, but this has been something that stuck with me forever.

 

The point of this post today, is too remind you all how important loving knowledge and seeking it should be. When I was younger my sister always had a better memory then I did, where I’d be awake after fajr for 2 hours she would need 20 minutes to memorize a page. So I’d always envy her, and wallahi theres nothing my mom has ever stressed to me more then telling me that its not how much you know, but how much you act upon. You can have memorized volumes and volumes of books, but if you don’t act based on one page of the book, your knowledge in fact has become a huujaah against you on the day of judgement. 

 

About two weeks ago I was talking to Shaykh Okasha may Allah reward him, and he gave me some really good advice I wish to impart to you guys, — The first point is prayer is the key to having knowledge, in Surah Taha Allah tells the Prophet (salalahu alayhi wa salam) to say, ”oh Allah increase me in knowledge.” Second is to strive and thrive in acquiring knowledge in Surah Ankaboot Allah says, ”as for those who strive in Our cause, We will certainly guide them” When seeking knowledge you must also memorize, and understand what you memorize, if one is missing then it is not complete (if you memorize but don’t understand, or understand but don’t memorize). Memorize as much as you can, with the best times to memorize being before fajr or at noon. 

 

So that is what I leave you with, don’t sell yourself short in seeking knowledge. Seek out as much as you can, don’t limit yourself to just one thing as the human brain can take much more knowledge then we realize. Always, always act upon the knowledge you have, because those who know and those who don’t know will not be judged the same in the sight of Allah blessed is He, you should love learning about Allah, love reading the quran, adore studying the seraah, if in your heart you don’t find a coolness in doing these things we must search within ourselves and cure the evil in our hearts. Seek knowledge until your last breath on this earth, because in reality we will never know enough about this beautiful religion of Allah.

 

May Allah reward my macalin who is always there for me, and increases my love for the Quran in every sitting with him and pushes me like none has ever without realizing. May Allah reward my mother whom if it wasn’t for her hard work (and the help of Allah first) I’d never be able to be where I am today, nor would I know half the things I know may Allah raise her in ranks for the hours she put into the classes she taught me. May Allah bless all my teachers who have taught me most of what I know and have always strained acting upon it to me. May Allah also bless all the authors of the books I have ever read, and grant them all good endings and lighten there graves. May Allah make seeking knowledge easy upon us all and allow us to be humble with our knowledge and allow us to seek it only to act upon it. 

Not until I die..

‘Abdullah ibn Imam Ahmad said that he was there when his father was passing away. His father was going into sakaarah, the state of unconsciousness. When you are going from dunya to akhirah, it’s a very difficult change. You’ve been in this world for 60 or 70 years and now you are going to a completely different world. That change between these two stages is difficult, sometimes it doesn’t happen immediately. Sometimes you’ll find that the person goes back and forth.

 To simplify this, think of sleep, because sleep is the minor death. Allah says, “And He is the One who takes your souls when you are sleeping.” Sleep is a minor death.

You go through an interface in which you’re not awake and you’re not sleeping. The same thing happens before death; you are going through this interface between life and death. There are moments where you are on the other side and on this side [living].

 ‘Abdullah’s father started saying, “la ba’ad. la ba’ad” [meaning] “No, not yet… no, not yet”. ‘Abdullah was worried. Imagine you hear your father saying, “No, not yet… no, not yet,” [at the time of death]. What would you interpret it to mean? I don’t want to die yet, right? You would interpret it as meaning “I do not want to die yet.” So ‘Abdullah asked his father (when he woke up), “O my father, why were you saying ‘No, not yet’?” Imam Ahmad said, “Shaytaan was standing right next to me, biting on his fingers and saying, ‘O Ahmad, you have slipped out of my hands. O Ahmad, you have slipped out of my hands.’ So I was telling him, “No, not yet. No, not yet…not until I die.’” [Meaning] The battle between me and you is happening. Not until I die will I be free from you. Shaytaan was biting his fingers, so angry and upset, thinking that Imam Ahmad had slipped out of his hands.

 Look at the believer – how he keeps on fighting until the last moment. We never give up. If we were proud, we would say, “Yes, I won against you!”

If this could happen [that you lose at the last moment], it is something extremely dangerous. Ibn Taymiyyah says that the reason this happens is because shaytaan realizes that this is his last chance with you. If he misses you in the last moment, he missed you. That is why shaytaan gives special attention to the last moments of your life.

 Put a criteria to yourself – if you are losing to shaytaan now, while the battle is easy, what will happen to you in the last moments, when it gets tough? If you are already losing the battle now, when shaytaan is giving you half of his attention, what will happen when he gives you his full attention? These are the fitaan. That is why we say in our salaah, “We seek refuge in You from the fitna of life and death.”

May Allah protect us from the shaydaan throughout our lives and at the time of our deaths.

[I had read this awhile ago and intended on posting it but I forgot the link and source I had gotten it from, but while I was re-reading it shaykh Anwar Al-Awlakis (rahimahullah) voice began to play in my head and I was thinking, ”hey this sounds like him!” and after researching it, it was lol random but it just made me sit here smiling, oh how I miss you ya Shaykh may Allah unite me with the likes of you soon and enable me to have children that resemble you oh beautiful green bird, <3]

Close Guantánamo. No More Excuses. | May 23, Global Day of Action, Toronto

Ya Allah we ask you by Your Highest names, to aid and assist our brother Omar Khadr who has been illegally convicted for many years too long. Anyone in the Toronto area spread the message the event is starting at 12PM. (try and come before jumuah!) May Allah hasten his release and allow me to one day meet a man whom has been tested like those before us and has remained patient like those before us. His letters to his mother breaks my heart, wish there was more I could do. Always in my duas. ”And were not by blood, but were by each other” ❤

FREE OMAR

Toronto Event: May 23, Dundas Square at noon

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The Canadian Close Guantanamo event on Dundas Square will have a special focus on Canadian Omar Khadr, who – after 93 days Bagram and 3624 days Guantanamo – is now held in a Canadian jail for 601 days, based on an illegal Guantanamo conviction.

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The story of Guantánamo remains that of nearly 800 men and boys thrown into an island prison designed to exist beyond the rule of law. Most were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, refugees fleeing the chaos of war in Afghanistan. The U.S. military captured only one in twenty; many were sold for significant sums of money to the U.S. by local authorities in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Of the 155 men who remain at Guantánamo as of January 2014, approximately half were cleared for release years ago. The vast majority will never be charged with any crime.

On his second day in office…

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Jin Busters!

Bismilah,

I pray that you are all doing well, first and foremost, I’d like to give a bigggggg shoutout to my blogs fan girls (y’all know who you are: stricklyyyy scarletttt), I pray Allah allows all of you beautiful ladies to benefit from this blog, may Allah increase you in honour. Secondly, I’d like to thank all the sisters commenting/emailing me/ texting me/ect about the auntie, it’s so beautiful that people that have never met her are filled with love for her. May Allah always be with you. I always tell her about what you guys say.

 

So as you’ve all requested the update: Alhamdulilaah surely but slowly she is getting better, we pray that by this Ramadan we will be praying feet to feet, shoulder to shoulder, with her. A sister got her a Quran CD player (may Allah grant her jannah) so whenever each one of us goes, we make sure to click play before leaving. Also people have been having more dreams about her, a couple nights ago a sister had a dream that she was telling us all, that she’s so close to recovering and to keep making duaA for her because each time we do her sins are falling off of her. More and more sisters have been going constantly so she always has visitors. This is all so exciting! May Allah hasten her recovery. ❤

 

I don’t even know where to begin with this post. Like I’ve previously told you guys my fridays always seem to be action packed. Whenever I come home I run to my mom and she’s just sitting there looking forward to my friday series. After visiting the aunt I returned to the masjid, where a sister came to me and requested that I come with her to a ruqyah happening at the masjid (now let it be known I am the biggest chicken ever, I’m scared of ants to dogs and everything in-between so this was a major milestone in my life actually agreeing to go) so we read our adkaar and proceeded to go. When we got there the sister who was getting it done on her was pretty nervous so we were assuring her that everything was going to be okay and reminding her to place her trust in Allah. The sister sat down and the adan (call to prayer) was made in her ear a couple of times where upon she began to grip the carpet tightly and eventually fainted, and when she awoke it was in the form of the jin (devil) subhanAllah I had only seen youtube videos of ruyahs before so this was all knew to me. The shaykh and a brother began reading Quran on her and the jin was getting irritated and it was hurting him. The reading of the Quran continued then the shaykh starting hitting her (of course me not seeing this before) said to my friend, ”why is he hitting her tell him to stop” and I whispered stop hitting her your hurting her. Lol subhanAllah if my friend hadn’t told me she couldn’t feel it I was going to interfere and make him stop hitting her (another thing: I can never stand seeing people getting hit even at dugsi I would become upset at my macalin for hitting someone while I was there..I just cantttt!) The jin was getting more and more irritated while the Quran was being read, he was asking the Shaykh to stop reading and hitting him. He then informed us that there were 3 male jins inside of her, and the Shaykh and his student told them to leave but they said that they couldn’t and that it was hard for them to leave, they also informed us that they were Christian jins and when the Shaykh said but this is not allowed in your religion to do this they replied saying that they weren’t religious. So he continued. Finally when the Shaykh got to the ayah in surah Ali Imraan where Allah says, ”Like the striving of the people of Firon and those before them; they rejected Our communications, so Allah destroyed them on account of their faults; and Allah is severe in requiting (evil).” The jin spoke and said, ”I don’t want to be like Firoun.” SubhanAllah. Then after the brother was speaking to the jin and told him to exit the body, the jin said he couldn’t, so the brother asked him if he wanted to convert to Islam…and to my surprise the jin said yes without hesitation, I wanted to scream and shout I was overwhelmed I didn’t even know how to feel this was so amazing. The brother got the jin to accept Islam and the jin took his shahada, and the brother then informed the jin that since he became a Muslim that he could no longer abuse the sister or hurt her anymore, and that he should leave. So he (the jin) agreed to the terms and began trying to leave but it was hard for him, so he would fall back on the floor and while laying on the floor he said, ”will Allah forgive me? YA ALLAH FORGIVE ME” my heart ached when he said that wallahi that touched me, I wanted to speak and just shout and say OFCOURSE ALLAH WILL FORGIVE YOU and hug the sister (well technically the jin) but obviously I couldn’t. Then her body began to levitate a little and curl up while the jin was struggling to get out, the sister then fainted and returned to her original self, when she woke up she told us that she felt like so much weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

 

Explaining this does the story not even an ounce of justice. You had to be there to really understand what happened. This is something I will never forget. This jin had a softer heart than most of us do, and that really touched me…the jin when asked to come into to the folds of Islam agreed without a second thought on the matter, and even began to repent while trying to leave. When asked if he didn’t like the Quran he said its not that he doesn’t like it but its that it bothers them, and even told us that the sister always reads Quran when she’s at home. I know I will probably sound mentally ill saying this but it was so cute wallahi, when the jin called out to Allah begging him for forgiveness, and it wasn’t the fact that he was calling out to Allah, it was the sincerity in his calling out to Allah that impacted me. I just wanted to share this story with you even though I had to cut out most of the details or else this would have turned into a novel and not a wordpress post.

 

May Allah reward the sister that always begs me to go with her to ruqyahs even after I turned down the offer endless times (consistency is key: but first and last time ever lol) love her for the sake of The Most High. May Allah reward the Shaykh for doing the ruqyah for the sake of Allah when he could have been doing something else. May Allah reward the brother with the Shaykh (bigggggg s/o to HHim for being the one to get the jin to take the shahada, I will tell that story to my kids, and there kids, and there kids kids to come, that was amazing) may Allah raise you in ranks, honour and protect you. And may Allah keep this beautiful sister steadfast upon khayr and always protect her and be with her and allow her to have a speedy recovery and protect her from mankind and jins.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine!

AsalamuAlaykum my beloveds,

So remember that aunt I was telling you about? I just wanted to update you guys on this. First and foremost let me just say that I am in love with her. Wallahi I think about her every hour of everyday and her name comes out of my mouth almost every second. Just yesterday night I was talking about her and my mom was like, ”Laila subhanAllah you’ve become obsessed! This is all you talk about. ” I don’t know how to explain it but she has my heart. When I think about her my heart actually starts aching, I wake up in the middle of the night and just wonder what she’s doing. She is so beautiful and amazing. Every time I go to her I let her know how much I love her. I cannot wait till she gets better so I can just sit with her and talk to her for hours.

We’ve all been visiting her a lot lately Alhamdulilah a lot of sisters has gotten involved in this so she has visitors almost 3x a week. And I’m more than happy to inform you guys that she is getting so much better. Ahhhhhh you do not know how much excitement that I feel in this. I hope that before Eid that she can move a little more so we can take her around in a wheelchair for Eid. I wish I lived near her hospital so that I could sleep with her every night and just be with her.

Last week myself and a couple other sisters went to go visit her, and what we witnessed people have not witnessed there whole life time. We were making duaA, in particular saying, ”Ya Allah, we ask you by your names to cure her, Ya Allah if you cured her what would we get out of it except that our sister in Islam was better? Ya Allah there is no ties of kinship amongst us except that we are both slaves of you, Ya Allah please cure her. Ya Allah these doctors don’t believe that she will get better, they are just waiting for her to die, Ya Allah we believe in you and believe you will cure her, and will not stop making duaA until you do. Ya Allah, You are true, and Your Prophets are true, and jannah is true, and the hellfire is true, and the day of judgement is true, and we believe in you, Ya Allah sickness is true, but Ya Allah health is also true, Ya Allah we beg you to cure her.” Just as we were saying that, I swear to you, the aunt tried to get up, she lifted her shoulders. This is something she does not do. She is paralyzed, yet she thrusted her shoulders forward a little bit. Not only once but almost 3 times. One sister had to leave the room because she couldn’t handle it, and me and the other sisters legs were shaking trying to hold ourselves from falling onto the floor. We then decided we should leave, but before we did we played surah baqarah for her, and she woke up from sleep and widened her eyes so much and began to smile and open her mouth as to laugh without sound. If you were to see her smile…I’ve have never seen something more beautiful in my life before. It was as if she was granted entrance into jannah. SubhanAllah, this is someone who is braindead, and the only reaction you can get out of her is when it has to do with Allah. This is why I love her so much.

Even more so, Alhamdulilah by the will of Allah, she now has Muslim (Somali) nurses looking after her. We were so worried that the nonmuslim ones might be harsh and uneasy with her, but Alhamdulilah all praise is to Allah who granted her a Muslim to look after her. Also recently she began moving her hand at times. She might lift it here and there a tiny bit. Two sisters have told me when they went to go visit her she moved her hand a little bit. Also she stays awake for longer periods now, the whole time we are reciting Quran for her, or playing it for her she does not drift in and out of sleep, she remains awake looking down. My little princess ❤

This progress is so beautiful. I have certainty in Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala that He will cure her. I cannot wait to walk with her, talk to her, everything. I just want to be able to hug her and for her to hug me back. We are going to all go visit her again today, so I pray that we see more improvements. I spoke to her nurse and her nurse told me that although the doctors say she isn’t getting better, she knows that she is because she is with her most of the time.

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SubhanAllah, I wrote this post before Jumuah and intended to post it before I left the house, but something kept me from doing so because we were going to visit her yesterday and I hoped that I would have seen some improvements to further add to it and guess what *drum rolllsss* SHE MOVED HER FEET! Oh yeaaahhh! We were all like omg omg omg! She raised her foot like 3x I believe or 2 times, the first time I didn’t see it but all the sisters were saying subhanAllah so when I looked up the second time I seen her raise her leg like 4 cm off the bed. AllahuAkbar! AllahuAkbar! AllahuAkbar! Also one of the sisters were wiping her mouth and the auntie moved back lol it was really funny she just completely moved her head all the way back. We all took turns giving her mini lectures and speaking to her and she continued staring down. I’ll keep you all further updated inshaAllah, we have certainty in Allah that one of these days she will get off her bed and start walking. Two sisters have had dreams about her, one being that she had fully recovered and we were sitting with her and she was saying every time you guys visited me, I always wanted to talk to you guys and tell you how much I loved you, and another being that she had sat up. We ask Allah to make both dreams come true.

I ask everyone, for the sake of Allah to make duaA for her. We ask Allah to unite her with her husband, and kids. To give her the ability to make sajdah like we do. To allow her to become a dutiful slave of His. To give her back the blessing of health. We ask Allah to give her a speedy recovery and to make her of the patient. Ya Allah you gave her, her hardship, ya Allah we ask you to give her, her ease. Please everyone keep her in your duaA’s even for one second just make a duaA. I’ll keep you all updated on any further progress.

I am in love and her name is Habiba ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

A is for Alhamdulilah.

First and foremost I’d like to begin with thanking all the people who have sent me messages about my last post, your words were heart warming and well needed, may Allah make you all as happy as you have made me and grant you all good endings. I love each and everyone one of you solely for the sake of Allah.

For some reason, my fridays always seem to be jam-packed-full-with-action. Not just any type of action but khayr alhamdulilah, and this is due to the sisters that I am around, (may Allah reward them) this friday a sister came to me and a couple other sisters and suggested that we go visit one of the aunts in the hospital so after a little thought we decided to go.

Walking into that hospital made my stomach drop, I don’t know if this makes sense but that hospital felt like death. It made every hair on my body stand up and it gave me an uneasy feeling, putting on a brave face I proceeded into going to her room. The first thing that broke my heart before even seeing her was the nurses reaction towards us coming to visit her, she had said that not many people come and visit her and that it was rare for this. I cannot imagine being in the hospital for 3 years with only a small amount of people coming to visit you continuously. This aunt was brain dead, so she could not move for herself, they had to position her to sit up on her bed so she could see us. Alhamdulilah she had gotten better than before because she was off life support and could breath on her own, but could not use any muscle in her body or speak. Wallahi I wish I had recorded this if I knew the rest of the visit would play out like this. On entering the room we said, ”asalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu habyar” and to my surprise her lips began to move and she tried to say something back but nothing would come out. This is someone who is brain dead. One of the sisters automatically began to cry and no sooner did she begin to cry then we were all in tears standing over her crying our eyes out. I began to tell her that Allah loved her. I think I repeated it almost 20 times. I could only just keep saying, ”Wallahi, Allah loves you. Wallahi Allah loves you.” Through my trembling voice. She was just staring at us. So we began making duaA for her, we pray that the duaA is accepted for we had made it during the hour on Friday where majority of shaykh agree that is the time on Friday in which duaA is accepted. The duaA was so beautiful. We then began reading Quran on her, and as soon as we got to Surah An-Nas, she began to tear up. Please keep in mind this is someone who is BRAIN DEAD!!!! Allahuakbar. Wallahi this is something I’ve been thinking about ever since we seen it happen. Not only that but every time the sisters have went and read Quran on her she has teared up upon the recitation of the Quran. This is by the power of Allah. We then began to give her a lecture in Somali and English about how much Allah loves her and if she understood this she should pray in her mind and make duaA to Allah for health and for her to get better, we also reminded her about how the Prophets were tested and how they remained patient and that she is lucky because we have to answer to Allah about our health and how we have wasted it, and she will be rewarded with heaven inshaAllah we also told her to remain patient and know that Allah has not abandoned her instead He is with her. Every time someone would begin to talk she would look directly at the person talking and when what we were talking about would get emotional she would divert her gaze and begin to look down. This is someone who is brain dead folks. We then said our salams because we couldn’t stand to watch this anymore and promised her we’d be back soon.

This woke us all up. Wallahi, man thinks that he is untouchable that he is strong, independent, self-sufficient…But seeing this made us realize how weak we really are subhanAllah. This aunt used to be able to walk, talk, run, ect…And now she cannot even voice how she would like to be moved..when she is in pain she cannot let people know. She is completely helpless. It also showed me all you really have in life is Allah, no matter how much family you have, how much friends you have, sooner or later when your sick, you become a burden upon people and they begin to get sick of you and slowly stop visiting you. This aunt used to be visited almost everyday a couple years back, but now that she became yesterdays news, none visits her anymore. 

 

Just now as I was writing this, my mom realized I was still saddened by the lady so she gave me some heart touching advice wallahi may Allah reward her. She began reminding me that all I will ever have in life is Allah, that I should not even count on her or depend on her because on the day of judgement families will run away from each other. She told me that once I rely fully on Allah and Allah only, I will always be okay, because if I remember Allah at times of ease He will remember me during times of difficulty. She reminded me that Allah will always be there for you no matter what but people are only there for you while you are healthy and alive, once you die you are forgotten about, and the only thing that ultimately counts is whether the angel of death greats you with kinds words being soft with you and telling you to come out to the happiness of your Lord. She told me to strive day and night, to take a pen and paper and book with me everywhere I go and every chance I get to study, to not waste time doing things of no benefit as Allah as created us to worship Him and not become distracted in this world. She told me to have taqwa and fear Allah and to always keep Him in mind everywhere I am. To always strive to be better so that I die on the path of searching for knowledge and being obedient to Allah.

 

So I leave you with the advice my mother left to me. This is something I will be contemplating over for a long time adding to my list of reasons to be sad. Alhamdulilah for health. This weekend taught me much more than I could have ever imagined. The things we take for granted are the things others are praying for night and day. 

 

May Allah grant the sister jannah who advised us to go visit the aunt, may Allah bestow upon us the ability to be grateful to Him for His favours upon us, may Allah cure the auntie of her sickness and send people to her that will remind her of Allah and keep her company, may Allah cure all the Muslims suffering worldwide, may Allah grant us all good health, may Allah grant my mother the highest level of paradise for always motivating me to be better and to gain more knowledge and for always warning me against waisting my time, may Allah grant all my friends jannah whom always remind me of Allah.

 

[ps. anyone in the Toronto area who would like to visit this aunt as it is our duty too and we will be asked about this in front of Allah you can leave a message under this or message me and I will gladly give you the hospital she is in and other information, may Allah bless you]

 

[pps. as if that wasn’t enough of a roller coaster ride, when we were on our way home we passed by a grave and decided to just stand there and reflect and it was so scary subhanAllah we seen these animals that were so huge that looked like they could have been from Narnia that were walking around on top of peoples graves (my friend said they were raccoons but I like to believe otherwise) may Allah grant us all good endings and protect us from the punishment of the grave]