You are my sunshine, my only sunshine!

AsalamuAlaykum my beloveds,

So remember that aunt I was telling you about? I just wanted to update you guys on this. First and foremost let me just say that I am in love with her. Wallahi I think about her every hour of everyday and her name comes out of my mouth almost every second. Just yesterday night I was talking about her and my mom was like, ”Laila subhanAllah you’ve become obsessed! This is all you talk about. ” I don’t know how to explain it but she has my heart. When I think about her my heart actually starts aching, I wake up in the middle of the night and just wonder what she’s doing. She is so beautiful and amazing. Every time I go to her I let her know how much I love her. I cannot wait till she gets better so I can just sit with her and talk to her for hours.

We’ve all been visiting her a lot lately Alhamdulilah a lot of sisters has gotten involved in this so she has visitors almost 3x a week. And I’m more than happy to inform you guys that she is getting so much better. Ahhhhhh you do not know how much excitement that I feel in this. I hope that before Eid that she can move a little more so we can take her around in a wheelchair for Eid. I wish I lived near her hospital so that I could sleep with her every night and just be with her.

Last week myself and a couple other sisters went to go visit her, and what we witnessed people have not witnessed there whole life time. We were making duaA, in particular saying, ”Ya Allah, we ask you by your names to cure her, Ya Allah if you cured her what would we get out of it except that our sister in Islam was better? Ya Allah there is no ties of kinship amongst us except that we are both slaves of you, Ya Allah please cure her. Ya Allah these doctors don’t believe that she will get better, they are just waiting for her to die, Ya Allah we believe in you and believe you will cure her, and will not stop making duaA until you do. Ya Allah, You are true, and Your Prophets are true, and jannah is true, and the hellfire is true, and the day of judgement is true, and we believe in you, Ya Allah sickness is true, but Ya Allah health is also true, Ya Allah we beg you to cure her.” Just as we were saying that, I swear to you, the aunt tried to get up, she lifted her shoulders. This is something she does not do. She is paralyzed, yet she thrusted her shoulders forward a little bit. Not only once but almost 3 times. One sister had to leave the room because she couldn’t handle it, and me and the other sisters legs were shaking trying to hold ourselves from falling onto the floor. We then decided we should leave, but before we did we played surah baqarah for her, and she woke up from sleep and widened her eyes so much and began to smile and open her mouth as to laugh without sound. If you were to see her smile…I’ve have never seen something more beautiful in my life before. It was as if she was granted entrance into jannah. SubhanAllah, this is someone who is braindead, and the only reaction you can get out of her is when it has to do with Allah. This is why I love her so much.

Even more so, Alhamdulilah by the will of Allah, she now has Muslim (Somali) nurses looking after her. We were so worried that the nonmuslim ones might be harsh and uneasy with her, but Alhamdulilah all praise is to Allah who granted her a Muslim to look after her. Also recently she began moving her hand at times. She might lift it here and there a tiny bit. Two sisters have told me when they went to go visit her she moved her hand a little bit. Also she stays awake for longer periods now, the whole time we are reciting Quran for her, or playing it for her she does not drift in and out of sleep, she remains awake looking down. My little princess ❤

This progress is so beautiful. I have certainty in Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala that He will cure her. I cannot wait to walk with her, talk to her, everything. I just want to be able to hug her and for her to hug me back. We are going to all go visit her again today, so I pray that we see more improvements. I spoke to her nurse and her nurse told me that although the doctors say she isn’t getting better, she knows that she is because she is with her most of the time.

—–

SubhanAllah, I wrote this post before Jumuah and intended to post it before I left the house, but something kept me from doing so because we were going to visit her yesterday and I hoped that I would have seen some improvements to further add to it and guess what *drum rolllsss* SHE MOVED HER FEET! Oh yeaaahhh! We were all like omg omg omg! She raised her foot like 3x I believe or 2 times, the first time I didn’t see it but all the sisters were saying subhanAllah so when I looked up the second time I seen her raise her leg like 4 cm off the bed. AllahuAkbar! AllahuAkbar! AllahuAkbar! Also one of the sisters were wiping her mouth and the auntie moved back lol it was really funny she just completely moved her head all the way back. We all took turns giving her mini lectures and speaking to her and she continued staring down. I’ll keep you all further updated inshaAllah, we have certainty in Allah that one of these days she will get off her bed and start walking. Two sisters have had dreams about her, one being that she had fully recovered and we were sitting with her and she was saying every time you guys visited me, I always wanted to talk to you guys and tell you how much I loved you, and another being that she had sat up. We ask Allah to make both dreams come true.

I ask everyone, for the sake of Allah to make duaA for her. We ask Allah to unite her with her husband, and kids. To give her the ability to make sajdah like we do. To allow her to become a dutiful slave of His. To give her back the blessing of health. We ask Allah to give her a speedy recovery and to make her of the patient. Ya Allah you gave her, her hardship, ya Allah we ask you to give her, her ease. Please everyone keep her in your duaA’s even for one second just make a duaA. I’ll keep you all updated on any further progress.

I am in love and her name is Habiba ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

A is for Alhamdulilah.

First and foremost I’d like to begin with thanking all the people who have sent me messages about my last post, your words were heart warming and well needed, may Allah make you all as happy as you have made me and grant you all good endings. I love each and everyone one of you solely for the sake of Allah.

For some reason, my fridays always seem to be jam-packed-full-with-action. Not just any type of action but khayr alhamdulilah, and this is due to the sisters that I am around, (may Allah reward them) this friday a sister came to me and a couple other sisters and suggested that we go visit one of the aunts in the hospital so after a little thought we decided to go.

Walking into that hospital made my stomach drop, I don’t know if this makes sense but that hospital felt like death. It made every hair on my body stand up and it gave me an uneasy feeling, putting on a brave face I proceeded into going to her room. The first thing that broke my heart before even seeing her was the nurses reaction towards us coming to visit her, she had said that not many people come and visit her and that it was rare for this. I cannot imagine being in the hospital for 3 years with only a small amount of people coming to visit you continuously. This aunt was brain dead, so she could not move for herself, they had to position her to sit up on her bed so she could see us. Alhamdulilah she had gotten better than before because she was off life support and could breath on her own, but could not use any muscle in her body or speak. Wallahi I wish I had recorded this if I knew the rest of the visit would play out like this. On entering the room we said, ”asalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu habyar” and to my surprise her lips began to move and she tried to say something back but nothing would come out. This is someone who is brain dead. One of the sisters automatically began to cry and no sooner did she begin to cry then we were all in tears standing over her crying our eyes out. I began to tell her that Allah loved her. I think I repeated it almost 20 times. I could only just keep saying, ”Wallahi, Allah loves you. Wallahi Allah loves you.” Through my trembling voice. She was just staring at us. So we began making duaA for her, we pray that the duaA is accepted for we had made it during the hour on Friday where majority of shaykh agree that is the time on Friday in which duaA is accepted. The duaA was so beautiful. We then began reading Quran on her, and as soon as we got to Surah An-Nas, she began to tear up. Please keep in mind this is someone who is BRAIN DEAD!!!! Allahuakbar. Wallahi this is something I’ve been thinking about ever since we seen it happen. Not only that but every time the sisters have went and read Quran on her she has teared up upon the recitation of the Quran. This is by the power of Allah. We then began to give her a lecture in Somali and English about how much Allah loves her and if she understood this she should pray in her mind and make duaA to Allah for health and for her to get better, we also reminded her about how the Prophets were tested and how they remained patient and that she is lucky because we have to answer to Allah about our health and how we have wasted it, and she will be rewarded with heaven inshaAllah we also told her to remain patient and know that Allah has not abandoned her instead He is with her. Every time someone would begin to talk she would look directly at the person talking and when what we were talking about would get emotional she would divert her gaze and begin to look down. This is someone who is brain dead folks. We then said our salams because we couldn’t stand to watch this anymore and promised her we’d be back soon.

This woke us all up. Wallahi, man thinks that he is untouchable that he is strong, independent, self-sufficient…But seeing this made us realize how weak we really are subhanAllah. This aunt used to be able to walk, talk, run, ect…And now she cannot even voice how she would like to be moved..when she is in pain she cannot let people know. She is completely helpless. It also showed me all you really have in life is Allah, no matter how much family you have, how much friends you have, sooner or later when your sick, you become a burden upon people and they begin to get sick of you and slowly stop visiting you. This aunt used to be visited almost everyday a couple years back, but now that she became yesterdays news, none visits her anymore. 

 

Just now as I was writing this, my mom realized I was still saddened by the lady so she gave me some heart touching advice wallahi may Allah reward her. She began reminding me that all I will ever have in life is Allah, that I should not even count on her or depend on her because on the day of judgement families will run away from each other. She told me that once I rely fully on Allah and Allah only, I will always be okay, because if I remember Allah at times of ease He will remember me during times of difficulty. She reminded me that Allah will always be there for you no matter what but people are only there for you while you are healthy and alive, once you die you are forgotten about, and the only thing that ultimately counts is whether the angel of death greats you with kinds words being soft with you and telling you to come out to the happiness of your Lord. She told me to strive day and night, to take a pen and paper and book with me everywhere I go and every chance I get to study, to not waste time doing things of no benefit as Allah as created us to worship Him and not become distracted in this world. She told me to have taqwa and fear Allah and to always keep Him in mind everywhere I am. To always strive to be better so that I die on the path of searching for knowledge and being obedient to Allah.

 

So I leave you with the advice my mother left to me. This is something I will be contemplating over for a long time adding to my list of reasons to be sad. Alhamdulilah for health. This weekend taught me much more than I could have ever imagined. The things we take for granted are the things others are praying for night and day. 

 

May Allah grant the sister jannah who advised us to go visit the aunt, may Allah bestow upon us the ability to be grateful to Him for His favours upon us, may Allah cure the auntie of her sickness and send people to her that will remind her of Allah and keep her company, may Allah cure all the Muslims suffering worldwide, may Allah grant us all good health, may Allah grant my mother the highest level of paradise for always motivating me to be better and to gain more knowledge and for always warning me against waisting my time, may Allah grant all my friends jannah whom always remind me of Allah.

 

[ps. anyone in the Toronto area who would like to visit this aunt as it is our duty too and we will be asked about this in front of Allah you can leave a message under this or message me and I will gladly give you the hospital she is in and other information, may Allah bless you]

 

[pps. as if that wasn’t enough of a roller coaster ride, when we were on our way home we passed by a grave and decided to just stand there and reflect and it was so scary subhanAllah we seen these animals that were so huge that looked like they could have been from Narnia that were walking around on top of peoples graves (my friend said they were raccoons but I like to believe otherwise) may Allah grant us all good endings and protect us from the punishment of the grave]

Bear a little more, just a little more remains..

Lately I’ve been sad.

Not a you’ll get over it in 2 days type of sad, but a genuine I’ve been sad for about a month now. Everyone around me asks me whats wrong as soon as they see me, just yesterday my manager asked me, ”why the long face Laila,” and I just sighed because he wouldn’t understand. I know your probably wondering why right? Let me try and piece together my thoughts for you.

Recently a lot of my friends have been ”falling off” if thats what you may call it, we all started practicing roughly around the same time with just months apart. There was nothing that made me more happier, we would have halaqahs and all cry for the sake of Allah, we would spend our nights with each other in tears from fear and delight with Allah Lord of all worlds. We would come together for the sake of Allah and depart for the sake of Allah, it was Allah’s mutual love alone that kept us undivided. It was so beautiful, I remember a time where people would call us and ask what we were doing that was drawing everyone into the religion, why when people left the halaqahs they began changing there life around for the better. At the time I didn’t know the reason behind that answer, but wallahi, now I know it was because of the sincerity in the room, the sincerity in the hearts of these sisters who, by Allah, wanted to change. Who were struggling with there nafs to change there life 360 degrees. I swear to you, there were no people that I looked up to more than them, that inspired me to change more and more each day then them.

But everything is only temporary right? Summer rolled in, and everything completely changed. Everyone slowly started going there own ways and being more and more distant with each other causing the reminders to slowly decrease. Sooner or later everyone went back to square one, where they began, not knowing how to stand on there own two feet people just fell back into the same traps we had once warned each other about, this completely broke my heart. I cannot explain the sadness that I felt getting calls where a sister would be saying, ”so and so went back to her old ways we have to go to her house today” my whole world would come crashing down and I would just become overwhelmed with sadness. It makes me sick to my stomach now I’ll explain why.

 

My father converted to Islam and married my mother…Which makes me half white (French Canadian). I know what your thinking, how cool! — Not. After my father had gained guidance from Allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala he left the folds of Islam. Can you imagine how this makes me feel now when I hear of people, after Allah has found them lost and guided them, choose to go back to the state of ignorance. You know, a lot of you, when you parents die, whether or not they were practicing can make duaA for them, can give sadaqah for them, there are endless possibilities of things you can do for your parents. Wallahi, when my father leaves this world, thats it. I cannot pray junaza on him, imagine not being able to pray junaza on your father, I cannot make duaA for his forgiveness, I cannot even say ”Allahunaxaristo.” This pains me so much, I have never even spoken to any of my friends about this because they cannot understand wallahi, you don’t know what it feels like or can even begin to imagine the sadness I feel every time I see people falling off, because what if that time you fall off is what leads you astray? What if you don’t get back up and dust it off? What if for taking Allah’s guidance for granted, what if He takes it away forever? Is that not what happened to my father, he was guided and took it for granted so Allah took His gift back…How many Muslims do we see this happen to day in and day out? 

 

My brothers and sisters, this religion is a gift from Allah. Imagine the millions of human beings without it, and Allah chose you, out of everyone to be guided, and what do we do in return? We neglect our salah, we don’t pay zakat, sometimes fast in Ramadan, we don’t do any of the things Allah has asked of us, instead were too busy having fun to make time for Allah. This world is two days, have you ever witnessed someone whom after dying came back to life? Never, so if you know when you die that is it for you, why would you not prepare. Why do we not fear the state we will die in, why do we not fight against our weak desires for the sake of Allah? Instead, any curve ball thrown our way we decide to try and catch it instead of dodging it. My dear brothers and sisters, don’t give up, keep struggling day in and day out, I promise you the end result will be worth it, push yourself like never before, don’t let the shaydaan snatch away your imaan, if you fall dust it off and remember the exact point in which you fell so you never trip over the same path again, don’t let people around you influence your religion in a negative manner be able to stand alone, do it for the sake of Allah and always renew your intention, when you feel lost remember why it was that you started. You have to hate going back to ignorance more than you would hate being thrown in the fire. Place your trust in Allah and always make duaA that Allah keeps you firm. ”Oh turner of the hearts (Allah, the Most High), keep our hearts firm on your religion”

 

”O you who have believed, whoever of you should revert from his religion – Allah will bring forth [in place of them] a people He will love and who will love Him [who are] humble toward the believers, powerful against the disbelievers; they strive in the cause of Allah and do not fear the blame of a critic. That is the favor of Allah; He bestows it upon whom He wills. And Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” [5:54]

 

May Allah make this religion easy for us to maintain, may Allah keep us all firm and allow us to die in a state of Islam, may Allah not send us back after guiding us, and may Allah make us strong in the face of fitna. May Allah also guide my father back to Islam and any other Muslims who have fell into the same predicament. Ya Allah make us from amongst your grateful servants! ❤